You've probably noticed that I haven't really posted anything lately...And I'm not really sure why. Obviously it is a lack of inspiration, but there are other things lacking too. ...I just wish I could figure out what. Maybe it's motivation. I really don't want to do anything lately. I know that there are somethings I should do, and some that I need to do, and sometimes I can force myself to do them for those reasons alone, but my blog is an extra. It's not vital that I keep it up to date, and I know that if I forced myself to do it, it really wouldn't be that interesting, so what's the point?
Could it be the result of excess stress? I was talking to a friend about some memory issues I've been having, and he asked if I have been stressed out lately. And do you want to know my answer? Something along the lines of: "How do you know you're stressed out?" I honestly don't know. Because I'm not really good at stress. And maybe that's a sign that there is seriously something wrong with me, but for the most part, I am pretty emotionally even. It is easier to let things roll off you, and not worry about them. It is easier to be happy than to be sad. Is that just me refusing to feel? Am I avoiding my problems?
...I guess more than "my" problems right now it would be the problems of others...Well, of one in particular. Something I can't fix. And I have always thought "why stress about something you can't change?" but now I think I understand. People fear the unknown. Because you don't know what's going to happen, and you want to do all you can to make sure everything will be okay. But you know that it's out of your hands. And if it were my problem I might be able to accept that...but since it belongs to someone else I feel this need to help. And I've never been good at that. Well, I'm pretty good at helping if you give me a job. I guess it's the coming up with ideas on how to help...or maybe it's the comforting that I'm not so good at--sitting idle and not knowing what to do or say. Because you don't want to bring up the bad situation, but you don't want to ignore it either. If it were my problem I'd just run away, and focus on other things. Pretend everything was okay. But how do you do that to someone else without coming off heartless and cold? How can you be supportive while also being evasive?
*I really haven't taken a vacation in a while, and anyone who really knows me, knows how vital vacations are to my health. So maybe I should just do that--just take a weekend road trip, or even a day trip. But where would I go, and with what money?