How do I get myself in trouble? By running my mouth. By saying more than I should have. By betraying confidences. By letting secrets slip out, because I don't know how to lie. Long as I can remember I've been bad at telling lies. I've always been okay with that fact, because lying is bad, right? Well, today I can understand it's use. Today I hurt a friend. I wish I felt okay with telling partial truths to you, or maybe if I could sugar coat the truth so it's easier to digest. I wish I could have held back the whole truth until you were ready to accept it, or maybe 'till the situation changed--because I know it will. But the question came, and in my surprise words come pouring out because the silence would have spoken louder than the awfulness of the worst truth. Why did you have to ask that question? Why that way? Because when the answer should be an easy yes or no, there is no way make it a kinda or maybe. But how do I explain that to you?
Actually, I guess it's not just my lack of lying ability that kills me, because I wouldn't really want to lie to a friend, but when you add that to the fact that every day my English gets worse, the result is me in a bad situation. To you who I've hurt: I apologize. I don't think I expressed myself well. Because I forgot to say the word "alone" which might change everything (or maybe it'll just make it all worse). I didn't know how to explain the context, and there wasn't time to go through the history.
Maybe if I'd been able to process what sounded like an easy question, I could have come up with something more fitting; something more beneficial for you...But in ignorance I expected you to take on a whole new mound of problems that are all due to my own inadequacies, and in reality reflect nothing on you (except maybe your poor choice in counting me among your friends). I hope you can understand how bad I am at expression, and how it is worse when I try to express thoughts of someone else.
...Maybe you don't even think about that answer (although by the look on your face I know it crushed you, as you tried to hide it), and it is something you've already forgotten about. Or maybe it has inspired you to investigate the situation...but I know that if it was me, I'd cry. I'd be crying harder than I am now because it wasn't fair. And it wasn't true. You make jokes about it now, but I know that jokes are rooted in true feelings.
To you who I love and will always want to protect I am sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I hope you know how my heart is breaking right now at the thought of the pain I might have caused you, and at the reputation I might have marred.