23 November 2008

False Reality

In movies there is always a"perfect" guy who is confidant and evasive. There is also the "normal" (and quirky) girl who does her best to scrape by. But in the end all her struggling to do what she believes is right pays off as he slowly approaches her (usually during an awkward, rambling speech) and confuses her with a surprising kiss. I have to admit that I'm a little mad at movies because of that. I really am an average girl. There is nothing particularly extravagant about me. And I know that I will end up with an average guy, the one who will match me perfectly, because I know that if I ended up with the "perfect" guy I'd feel constantly inadequate and judged. ...but I cant help but fall directly into the trap these writers place before me as I picture myself walking down the street on a "normal day" and a gorgeous guy (who I've had my eye on for a while) finally notices me--that's when I remember that my life is not a movie, and movies are nothing more than wishful lies.
They say there is truth in every lie. And sometimes I do wonder if these kinds of stories happen in real life....and while it's sometimes fun to imagine, I've never really hoped it would happen to me, because the movies never show the "happily ever after" part. That's the important part to me. The daily changes they must both go through. The class and sophistication she brings out in him; the things he opens her eyes to. ...the way they merge and meet in the middle...and even though it's hard, and they both make mistakes, they make them together.
I guess I lied before--I should have said I never used to hope it would happen to me. Right now I'm hoping for it. Maybe I'm just looking to escape a few things, or maybe I'm looking to fill the void soon to be left in me, or maybe it's how much I've loved that my focus has been on something other than my own life lately...and I'm afraid to be alone. here. again. I tried filling it with something superficial, but that didn't do it.
I know I need to move on with my life. I know that some changes must be made. But I don't want to face them alone. I want someone to be there by my side, holding my hand. But the best friend moved away and began the life I'm envious of. and she was so perfect for me she's hard to replace. the only other person I've began to lean on will soon be gone too.
I know I need to step up my life. Put on my game face. Go out and conquer.
I just need some help taking the first step.
...a push anyone?

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