I'm always amazed by myself. And that's not to say that I'm amazing, or impressive. Just that I surprise myself. I mean, I should be an expert on myself by now. But I am often awakened to a new understanding. And maybe it's just because I took the summer off school, but my brain has seriously regressed. I forget words all the time; I forget things that I was supposed to do; I ask the same question repeatedly, knowing that I've already asked, or at least wanted to ask, but unable to remember any response; I have little to no attention span; even less patience...I'm sure the list goes on, but I can't think of anything else...
Having the summer off has allowed me to slow down a little. I still had to work, and didn't really have any "free time" but I was able to take a little more time to do things, which I appreciate. (I am a pretty slow person.) It also allowed me to strengthen/renew some friendships which I'd allowed to decay.
And for the first time in my life I felt confidant in what I was doing. This may come as a shock to some of you (because I do my best to hide it...but then again, maybe I'm not as good at hiding it, and you are already aware), but I have a ton of insecurities and phobias. I've had them my whole life, so like a good friend, I'm used to having them around. They often help to protect me from the world. But in the recent years, I decided that I'd be a more interesting person if I got over all the things that stop me from doing things. All kids should have a memory of climbing a tree, right? I don't think I ever did, because I was afraid of falling out and hurting myself. And what good did it do me? It may have saved me from the temporary pain a broken arm, but it also "saved" me from the experience, and a story to share. It cut me off from humanity, because I turned myself into an emotionless machine.
For whatever reason (and I have some theories), this summer has been a time free from my own insecurities. I did what I wanted without thinking too hard about what other people would think of me, or what could go wrong, or how I should protect myself from pain or failure. And it was great! I didn't necessarily overcome any huge fears, but I did face them. And I gotta say, I kinda enjoyed doing it.
I'll be honest here: I'm not entirely sure why I'm writing this, or what my point is. I just love reading up on your lives, and I felt like I should post something a little more personal than my usual blunderings of randomness I encountered throughout the Internet. And I'm not really good at telling stories about myself because I've never really had any. And there's really nothing new with me to share. ...But I promise to tell you about something I did last week--something I never thought I'd do. I actually already wrote my post about it, but I'm waiting for the pictures to be sent to me so I can include one...You're probably gonna want to see a picture of this.