14 October 2011

Dear Coworkers,

I understand my office is huge, and is large enough to house 4 smaller offices, so I really don't mind sharing it with (all of) you...but that does not mean that you have your own office.  We stare at walls facing different directions, but again, that does not mean you have your own office.  Because you are apparently unaware, I just thought I'd jot down a few things that you should not be doing when sharing an office.

Inappropriate behaviors for office sharing:
Humming-- Whether it's a full song, or short strings of random sounds (as you are prone to do for most of the day).
Whining-- incessantly complaining about things.  If you want more desk space, move the box off of the desk next to you.  You don't have to tell me about it.  No, you can not take a desk/table from somewhere else in the room--Especially not the one that has the cutting board on it.  You do not need an L-shaped desk.  I promise. You are a temp.
Repeating the same conversation several times-- If we already had the conversation, and you have no new information, do not start the same conversation again.   My answer will still be the same.   No, you cannot take that table with the cutting board on it.  It gets used there. 
Spitting-- I understand you are eating sunflower seeds, but I do not want to hear it.  It was your choice to shove a handful of them into your mouth.  Just swallow it.  Or eat them one at a time.  Or find some way to remove the chewed up shells without making the spitting sound. Also, don't leave them laying around where I have to look at them. The cup of gross shells on your desk is gross. Throw it away at some point.
Addressing me when you are having a conversation with yourself-- "Heather, I'm done...I'm done, Heather...la-de-la...ho-hum....Heather...hum-hum-whistle."  Especially when I am on the phone.  If you know I am on the phone with a customer, I'm doing my best to ignore all the noise around me, and you talking at me isn't helping.
Whistling-- especially what I can only describe as Whistle-Turrets; random, non-song related, 4 note strings, repeated.  See humming
Drumming-- small rock band spurts are fine, and can be fun...as long as I'm not on the phone.
Playing music--  if no one else likes it, don't play it.  Or at least be willing to take turns listening to other people's music choices if you insist on having a radio playing in the shared office.

Okay, so I admit, some of these things are from a different office.  I just thought I'd add them for future reference.  I understand that we all do things like this every once in a while, and that's not such a big deal...but it feels like it's closer to most of the day.  Actually, it feels like there is a cumulative total of 30 minutes a day when this stuff isn't happening.)  I haven't yelled at you for any of this yet, and I'm trying to be understanding and patient, but please, please try to considerate of the people around you.

You are a good person and I do like you, so here, have a Hi-Chew.  You can have your pick from all of these flavors.  You can even have one of each flavor, if you want to.  I know you all love them as much as I do.

Warmest regard,

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